Saving money

I've been trying to save money now that I'm not working, and I've succeeded in cutting out or trimming back lots of little things without missing them:
1) manicures - I'm doing them myself now and I'm getting better at it

2) cabs - unless it's a safety issue, but 99% of the time the subway is fine

3) expensive drinks at bars - a bottle of wine or a six pack at home is much more economical

4) mp3 purchases - I'm streaming for free on Grooveshark.com, borrowing CDs from friends, and enjoying what I already own

5) brand name beauty/household products - I'm buying whatever's on sale and it's been totally fine! In fact I've gotten to try some higher end hair products because of recent deep discounts at Duane Reade

6) Starbucks - I got a home brewer and have been using it regularly.

The main thing I'm having so much trouble with (and it's a biggie for me) is the food thing. As I type this I'm waiting for a pad thai delivery. :) I have cooked a few times but I rarely feel like taking the time to cook AND eating what I cook. In fact I've wasted some money by planning meals, not feeling like cooking, and letting the ingredients spoil. I have willpower in some areas but so far the joy of cooking has mostly alluded me.

How to...

Right now I'm trying to figure out how to import an old library into iTunes. I'm reading about it online but can't figure it out. Frustrating.

However this made me laugh. When I begin typing "how to" into Google, the following terms are the most searched for, according to the auto-complete:

1) How to tie a tie
2) How to kiss
3) How to lose weight fast
4) How to get pregnant
5) How to solve a rubix cube
6) How to cook a turkey
7) How to make a website
8) How to download youtube videos
9) How to write a resume
10) How to get a girl to like you

How many of them can you do? Proving again that my years of education may have ultimately yielded another inept quarterlifer with a BA in music, I can only say I know how to kiss, make a website and write a resume. The getting pregnant thing is kind of self explanatory... but I'm no expert and wouldn't be able to advise anyone typing it into Google I'm sure! I definitely cannot tie a tie, cook a turkey, or solve a rubix cube. If I ever need to, that's why Google exists!

So yeah, I'm inept at a lot of things, including fixing this #$%*ing iTunes!

Totally rando

My day consisted of seeing two theatre readings (both good in different ways), a dermatologist appointment, a nap, and dinner with friends. Pretty good day! I feel like a theatre producer already. :)

Right now a neighbor is playing "Billie Jean" for the third time in the last two days -- every time I hear that bass line though the ceiling I'm like "woo hoo!" Would it be weird if I knocked on his/her door and told them to turn it up? :)

And I just have to post this link because it's too funny (if you're on my Facebook you may have already seen these ponies sing).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wouG4GpL1-I

This post is totally rando (rando is the new random btw) so I hope you don't mind!

I heart caffeine and sleeping

I really think I am a caffeine addict because I wake up in the morning with a pounding headache that only gets better after drinking coffee.

I just spoke to a friend about this (a fellow Gemini - that just seems like an important detail), and she said, "That's cool though. I've always wanted to be addicted to something. People addicted to coffee or cigarettes are always more interesting." I love that because it's true. It's better to be interesting than healthy, especially if you're an artist (just don't tell Dr. Oz I said that).

My friend also said she is happy every time I post a Facebook status that says "slept twelve hours again" or something of the like, because it makes her feel better. I think we should all sleep 12 hours a few times a week. As I've said before, I'm an Olympic-level sleeper. I just wish I could compete....

I just ran into my landlord as I was going downstairs to do laundry. He's a totally great person, very supportive of artists too. But yet I sometimes feel shame even walking around my building during the workweek. Is it wrong that I don't have a traditional job at the moment? Of course not, but I still sometimes feel that little insecurity.

I miss being a kid

I'm getting to that point where not having much structure in my schedule is making me feel like a total waste. Plus I feel like I'm getting slightly, like 20%, sick.

I took a walk to a local park just to get out and I watched the kids play wallball and basketball (two of my playground faves!). I wished I could have joined their games! I may have even been better than a few of them too! Well, at least I'm taller.

I guess I just miss being a kid. Or actually, I still feel like a kid and I miss having their actual lifestyle and playtime. Childhood is awesome. It's days like today when I look at happy school children playing and I feel like I've learned nothing; they're the ones who are actually getting it right.

What time it is?

Without a regular work schedule, I never know what day it is, or even what time it is. I'm drifting toward my "natural" state of being a night owl. I consider myself an Olympic-level sleeper, but I hate doing it too early. It's 2am and I'm not even tired yet. I kind of feel pumped to create something, but I don't know what.

Am I really jaded about theatre? Wow.

Recently I've found myself getting burnt out on theatre. In fact I've been walking around town for weeks composing a blog post in my head about this very topic.

Theatre, especially musical theatre, has been my passion for the better half of my life but lately I've been feeling kind of blah about it, not that excited for the upcoming Broadway season, preferring pop music on my ipod, etc. I've had moments when I think "maybe I should toss the whole Broadway dream. Maybe I should write pop songs instead of musicals, or write for TV, or become a choreographer or something." Now, none of those things are WORLDS away from writing musical theatre (they're all creative and performing art-sy), but this is one of the first times I've even CONSIDERED I could be happy doing ANYTHING besides writing and producing my own musicals. It's how I've defined myself for over a decade.

I'm probably just jaded by the "industry", from five years of seeing it all from inside out, and I'm now romanticizing industries I know less about.

However, last night I finally had a theatre experience that moved me again, that gave me chills and made me feel things. I saw the Gallery Players' mounting of one of my favorite musicals, CAROLINE OR CHANGE, in Brooklyn. I was an intern on CAROLINE's original run at the Public Theater and I've adored this show since then. Being in that rehearsal room was one of the highlights of my life so far, and I realize this especially now that I have some perspective on it. That perfect Tesori/Kushner score makes me excited about musical theatre again. It was bliss to hear it in full again last night, and to sit near people experiencing the show for the first time.

So there is hope I'll recover from my jadedness. I guess I really do need this break I've been given!

Clutter

My apartment may be cluttered, but my brain isn't!

I think.

Jolted awake

Wow, I am doing a terrible job of waking up lately. I wanted to wake up at 8am today, but here it is at 11:15am and I was jolted awake by the Fresh Direct delivery buzz. I was in the in middle of the scariest dream: Love Never Dies (the Phantom sequel) was premiering in New York and I was working at the opening night which was targeted by terrorists! (I hope my typing the "T" word does not flag the government to begin reading this blog.... well, they will probably find it uninteresting soon enough.)

The dream opening night DID go off without any problems, except at the end of the night when Andrew Lloyd Webber was saying goodnight to me, I wanted to snap a photo and I realized I didn't have a camera AND I WASN'T WEARING ANY MAKEUP! Glad I'm awake and out of the dream! In the light if day I realize Photoshop would be my friend in that situation.... but in the dream I was mortified!

Hmm, maybe am I scared of showing my "real face" to the world? I don't THINK so.... I've actually been going out in without makeup, in my yoga pants and sneakers quite a bit lately. I just have been having the strangest, most vivid dreams recently.

Seriously I must snap myself into alertness because I have so much stuff I want to do today.

But, bah, morning's are terrible. The only thing good about them is it's the perfect time to pluck my eyebrows into submission because my nerves are literally not awake enough to feel pain yet.

If this post makes no sense, it's because I'm sleepwalking.

I hate going to the doctor

I'm finally catching up with all of my doctor's appointments. I can't believe how much I'd put things off while I was working. I don't think I've been to the dentist in a year and a half... even though I have dental coverage! Ugh, at least I'm getting it together now.

I just got back from my annual physical. My doctor is pretty cool and I've been seeing him for several years, but my appointment just felt bizarre today. First of all, I felt like I couldn't communicate very well; maybe because I was fasting and hadn't had any coffee yet? Maybe, because I felt so much better after hitting the Dunkin Donuts right after.

Anyway, when I told my doctor I wasn't at my job any longer, he asked what I was up to now, and I said "nothing!" and he seemed concerned. I mean, I'm doing THINGS obviously, duh! I don't know. Does becoming increasingly obsessed with online forums count as doing something?

Also he went on a totally random spiel about studies that advise different amounts of alcohol that are okay to drink per day or week. And then he said, "but with you being married and all, I'm not worried about you." Hmm? Kind of a random stereotype, methinks... I mean, it depends who you're married to! If your husband is your best drinking buddy, then maybe you'll be drinking more! :-P

Then we started talking about the "having kids" issue that has begun to come up every time I visit the doctor or GYN, and he reminded me that I'm in my peak fertility now in my mid-20s. Oh my god, how did I ever get so old?!?! Ugh, I can't believe I just typed the word "fertility"; something about that word makes me kind of queasy. I mean, I'd be lying if I said I didn't find all these New York City kids cute as hell, especially when they're well-behaved in restaurants or are asking precocious and thoughtful questions to their parents. But man oh man, I can't BELIEVE nature has designed women to have children at my age! If I were designing things, I'd make 35 a minimum age, not an upper-limit slowing-down age. I mean, I still feel like a kid myself. Eep, now I'm feeling unnecessary anxiety....

Then I almost passed out after accidentally looking at the needle drawing blood, and then I got all depressed when they weighed me and I've gained back 5 pounds. I haven't weighed myself in weeks but knew that was coming. My eating was so terrible on vacation plus I've barely been exercising since it's been so cold. I'm still doing way better than this time last year, but I need to get back on the health wagon.

So for all these reasons, I felt kind of crappy after my appointment, but I regrouped at H&M where I tried on lots of cool jackets. I didn't buy any because I literally don't have room for any more jackets in my closet.... and I shouldn't be spending money on clothes right now either I guess. But it's annoying because I really like the fashions in the stores right now! I love the faux leather jackets, military-style buttons, long tee shirts, bangly jewelry.... I really want to update my wardrobe with some "cool" pieces because I feel like I have like 80% work clothes right now and I just want some cooler pieces. But of course, you stop working and the cash flow decreases.... oh, life is unfair. I wish I'd bought that first jacket I tried on.

This has been your complain-y blog post for the day. Please don't stop reading my blog forever if you found this post annoying; I'll buck up soon.

Team speed cleaning

Team speed cleaning is the only way to really tackle a mess in my opinion. Today Jake and I took one hour to clean out the second bedroom AKA the music room, which was recently AKA "the abyss."

Jake: "Where are my black jeans?"
Neener: "Um, I dunno... check the abyss?"

But we found lots of things we were missing, like his black jeans, my dressy loafers, just about every guitar effect pedal known to man (from my perspective), and several bags worth of trash which was promptly tossed. I'm not kidding, I even found a banana peel. To be fair, I think this was mine and only from a couple of days ago. Eww, why did I even mention that? Now none of you will want to come over.

BUT.... now my apartment is getting a heck of a lot closer to being hang-out-able, and I have the momentum to continue cleaning this place up!

Age differences and quarter-life crises

Jake and I have started watching The Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo (all his fault), and today over poached eggs and chocolate pancakes we were discussing the age differences in the show. Of course some of these rich older dudes are looking for 20-something blondies, and it's so obvious that they will not be happy together in the long run.... not BECAUSE of their age difference, but because the attributes they prize are so shallow.

I've been thinking about age differences lately. My husband is one of the ten million February birthdays among the people I know, and he just turned 35 last week. Our 8 years & 3 months age difference is pretty awesome actually. When we first started going out, he was 26 and I was 18 (!) and we were actually in a similar place at the time: broke and crazy, as he had quit his teaching job to take a stab at playing guitar full-time, and I had moved away from home for the first time and started college in NYC. Now that I look back on this, I was in the first of three phases of the quarter-life crisis (newfound freedom, approx. 18-22), and he was in the second phase (figuring out your place in the real world, approx. 23-27).

Now I feel like I'M in that second phase as I try to figure out what the #@*& I'm doing, and he's already past the final third phase (getting it together and starting to see success, approx. 28-32). I can't even imagine what it would be like to go through this transitionary phase without support. If we were both in crazy, inner-turmoil, changing-every-day life stages it could be really tough, so I'm happy we have the age difference that we do and that Jake is so content with where he is right now.

My husband really is one of my biggest inspirations and I aspire to someday have the level of contentment that he does. He is thrilled to play guitar and make music for a living, and he often gives thanks for the ability to do so. And he tells me frequently how lucky he feels to be happily married and living in a nice apartment in NYC. For some weird reason he says he didn't expect those things to happen for him. He just has a really good attitude of gratitude (wow, now there's a phrase I should trademark and write a book about and then be on Oprah....).

And of course I love the story of how he got here, quitting a teaching job that was stable and cushy but not the right fit for him, and moving with me into the teeniest apartment of all time so he could live in the City and pursue a professional music career. I hope that someday I can trace some success back to this weird moment in my life as I leave the safety of my old job and reach out for something else....

Daytime TV... again! :-P

I feel I can geek out here on my blog, so I'll say this again: Daytime TV is pretty awesome. My recently unemployed friend who I had lunch with today reminded me: that last hour of the Today show with Kathy Lee and Hoda -- amazing! It's the secret hour of the Today show that working people don't know about.

Is it terrible to DVR both Dr Phil and Dr Oz (both on at 3pm), and watch them before getting to Oprah, which tapes at 4pm? I just wish all this self-improvement were on earlier in the day so there would still be daylight hours left when I'm all inspired to change my life.

Also, I've never explored the Netflix "watch instantly" feature until the middle of last night when I watched the first eight episodes of 30 Rock. It's been one of my favorite shows and I secretly want to be Tina Fey when I grow up (or at least some combination of Andrew Lloyd Webber, Michael Jackson, and Tina Fey... yeah, that would be perfect), so I figured I should catch up on the earlier episodes. Tina Fey's brand of comedy is pitch-perfect in my opinion, although a couple of the earliest 30 Rock episodes are weird! The pilot kind of freaked me out, but most pilots do.

Hmm, what's on today? No........ must...clean...apartment.... ooh, it's the "Dr Phil family" episode with a shocking revelation! I bet someone is pregnant. I think we have a winner....

Am I lazy?

Sometimes I worry that, deep down, I'm actually really lazy. I have always told myself the story that I'm ambitious, tenacious, hard-working... but what if, like a self-esteem class gone wrong, I'm fooling myself?

I have so many goals in life but some days I can't fathom changing out of my pajamas. I can think of good arguments to abstain from any activity that requires me to change out of my pajamas pants, really.

Ahh, but I don't want to be a couch potato! I want to take over the world! But can I please take it over via videoconference, filmed from the waist up, so I can stay in my comfy pants?

Wifi, blizzards, and birthdays

My internet connection is still on the fritz (possibly because of this Class Three Killstorm that's hit the NY area?) but my kind neighbor lent me his wifi password. Eternally grateful! I love you, internet; let's never fight again!

I spent about 60 minutes on the phone with the DSL company today. I always try to be nice to tech support people because I actually worked at a computer help desk years ago, but it's hard to stay calm when the bureaucracy of the company itself is so infuriating. I spoke to several different representatives who communicated incorrect info about my situation to the next person and I had to keep correcting them, telling them which lights on the modem were actually solid, blinking, etc.

Later today I braved the blizzard to help out my friends who are putting on a show downtown. Then it took about an hour and a half to get back home (twice as long as it should have, conservatively) because of a smoke condition in a subway tunnel. I ended up having to backtrack and ended up taking a grand total of six different trains for a few stops apiece. Between this and the DSL, I wasted so much time today. I did cook dinner though, my famous feta chicken with zucchini, so huzzah!

Tomorrow is my husband's 35th birthday. Wow, he could run for president now. But he probably wouldn't get very far for other reasons -- too honest, too Jewish, etc. But then again I'd despise being First Lady anyway. If people reported on what I wore every day and ignored what I said, I'd go nuts on everyone.

No internet makes Neener go crazy!

Arg, my internet is not working in my apartment so I'm catching up with things in a coffee shop with wifi. I can't live without the internet! I'm going slightly mad without it.

Not as motivated in the last couple of days.... but trying to do something with my life! Trying.... At least today I helped a friend brainstorm a name for HER new blog. That's productive, right? :)

Talk to you all soon.

Happy? Alright, I'll take it!

I can't wait to see my shrink on Monday and tell him how happy I feel these days, finally! Right now I'm sipping coffee I made myself, responding to emails to awesome new people I've met recently, considering what time I'd like to change out of my pajamas.... and I feel pretty damn fabulous.

It's kind of sad to think how much of my time I've wasted in the "blahs" in the past. Months or years really, watching MJ's "Stranger in Moscow" music video and thinking: "yeah, that's exactly how I feel." Or like that poor little Zoloft cartoon blob in the "before" section.

When I saw several former co-workers on Friday night, they said I couldn't stop smiling. What did I look like before? A complainy, frowny downer? I'm glad I was able to make friends anyway, and I'm glad they still welcome me into their world.

Coffee shop: bohemian paradise?

Today I had lunch and coffee at a little independent coffee shop right near my apartment. I had never been there before but must have walked by a million times meaning to try it sometime. Astonishingly there are lots of places in the immediate neighborhood that I've missed for the past 8.5 years!

The second I walked in I could see myself spending hours there, sipping lattes, using the wifi, and chatting with my fellow locals. And the food is excellent and cheap, the decor is that perfect bohemian style, the guy at the counter was really friendly.... I'm so excited! I have always wanted to have more of an official hangout, and this could be one.

Will this help or hinder my productivity? Remains to be seen.... but I did do some writing brainstorming while there. Atmosphere was conducive to thinking (or maybe that was the caffeine?). And I was excited to have wifi, as I cannot be far from the internet today as there appears to be interesting stuff going on the Michael Jackson case (which I've been following closely).

Yay coffee shop!

Ideas in Motion

Yesterday I got a fabulous idea like a bolt from the blue for the play I'm working on: a key piece of background history for one of the protagonists who I'm trying make a little deeper. I'm really psyched about it!

The idea came to me when I took a walk outside just to get a coffee. Movement in my body, usually dancing, walking, or running, is essential to the creative process to me. The rhythm and energy of physical motion is linked to the rhythm and energy of composing music or creating dramatic scenes. It's one reason I'm often dancing when I'm alone. It gets my mind flowing!

When I used to sit at a desk most of the day I would often have to get up and take a pace around the big loop of the office layout. I would often come back with some idea, however small, or at least the energy to do work.

I WISH the weather weren't so cold here in NYC. I want to go run around Central Park again so badly. I feel like a big fat blob after eating so much on vacation and returning to the cold weather.

Housework: kinda sucks as much as it sounds

In a reversal from the last five years, my husband will be busy during many of the traditional "workdays" this month while I have unstructured time during the day. I happily agreed to take on all those miscellaneous household tasks that need to happen during the day.

Wow, there is a lot of random stuff. I really appreciate all he has done to keep our lives running in the past. Each task has a hidden aspect that makes it harder or more annoying than it seems on the surface.

Signing for the Fresh Direct (grocery delivery) is easy, but re-packaging the raw chicken breast family pack into individual baggies for the freezer: more complicated and also kind of gross. Taking out the garbage, washing the dishes, picking the dirty socks off the floor, cleaning the cats' litter box...

Oh yeah, and FEEDING the cats -- I totally spaced on this one yesterday and am the worst cat mom ever. I honestly did not realize they eat twice a day now, two smaller portions around 8am and 4pm, part of a health regiment for the fatter cat Blade (I really don't think he is FAT, just thick and athletic). But yesterday I missed the second feeding. The cats didn't seem to mind too much, but now that I think about it they WERE hanging around me a lot and maybe they wanted something. I wish they could just talk. My husband got home at midnight and I confessed I hadn't remembered to feed them. They then wolfed down the food and I felt terrible. I won't forget that one again!

Housework kinda sucks I guess, but a fair price for not sitting at a desk all day I guess. But I can see how it is in fact "work."

"Catch-up days are essential" ...

... is a favorite thought of procrastinators like myself. Yesterday I spent almost the whole day "catching up" on Gmail, Facebook, Twitter, Friendfeed (all the blogs I read -- a recommended feed reader by the way!), plus a handful of forums I keep up with closely. PLUS the random saved shows on the DVR. And the YouTube videos I've been flagging and meaning to watch. Plus this blog. All this electronic catching up. The e-catchup?

Yet the real physical "stuff" of my life hasn't gotten touched yet -- the mail from the past week, the second bedroom full of STUFF that hasn't gotten set up yet, the bags of clothing I still haven't found a place for in this new apartment.

Working on it.... but I hate STUFF!

Lazing on a Starbucks afternoon

I wanted to get out of the apartment today, so I walked a few blocks to Starbucks. Along the way I noted all the places I'd rather hang out during my days of freedom: two independent coffeehouses and a bistro with a fantastic lunch special. I can't wait to try all of the weekday lunch specials in the area. Maybe I could eat out (and cheaply) for lunch and then make my own dinner. Hmm...

But I went to Starbucks to finish off a gift card. I thought it would probably be empty at 2:45 on a Wednesday, but it was packed, with a line of about 7 customers and no available tables.

Who are all these people hanging at Starbucks during the day? I am guessing:
--college students
--freelancers
--the recently unemployed
--trust fund hipsters?

I also see senior citizens and moms around the city during the day. Totally different crowd than I'm used to!

By the way, I think my caffeine dependency has gotten serious. Should I try to wean myself off or accept the addiction? All I know is I did not have one coherent thought today until I got a venti latte. After about half of it, everything was coming up Neener again!

Back in a New York state of mind

Back in NYC after a fabulous vacation to Naples and Orlando, FL. No complaints about any aspect of my trip -- it was easy travel, mostly good weather (except for the last two days), and a great way to clear my mind. I feel I am thinking more creatively that ever and that my mind is finally rid of some of the constant "chatter" that had been playing in the background and taking up space.

My husband has gone immediately back to work this morning for a reading of a new musical. I am trying to wrap my head around all the goals I have for myself for the next month or so! It's weird to finally have time.... I have to stop saying "if only I had the time" as my main excuse.