11 years later

Eleven years later it's clear to me: 9/11/01 was the line in the sand between my childhood and adulthood, the end of innocence. I had moved to NYC for college exactly two weeks prior and had already met many of the Barnard friends who would take me through the next decade and beyond. It was just two months before I'd reconnect with Jake (now my husband) in the city of our dreams. It was the first time I'd lived anywhere besides the suburban New Jersey house I grew up in.

As a child I would lie awake in bed worrying about nuclear war, AIDS, destruction of the rainforests and ozone layer.... but thankfully nothing really bad seemed to happen in my insular little world until I realized on 9/11 that evil was real. And I don't mean black and white Good vs. Evil personifications because I think it's much more complicated than that. But I learned that people could commit horrific crimes against humanity while steadfastly believing they are doing the "right" thing. I'm really lucky that I didn't experience anything so personally terrifying while I was a child. 

In Jewish tradition, a glass is broken at the end of the wedding ceremony. One interpretation is that it signifies "forever" because the glass has been permanently changed and cannot be put back together. I loved doing this at my and Jake's wedding in 2005 because I felt we were changed forever, embarking on a joyful journey that only moved forward, no going back.

For me, it's also a relevant metaphor for tragic events of great magnitude. I felt that my city, my generation were able to clean up the glass, move forward, choose love and compassion over ignorance and hate. But the glass can never be put back together, and we can never regain what was lost.

"The world only spins forward" (Tony Kushner)
"You can't go home again" (Thomas Wolfe) 
Both of these statements ring true to me as I reflect on how it felt to grow up in an instant. 

Today I want to be the child innocent enough to see the good in everyone and everything, and also the adult wise enough to know that life is short and that it's our duty to leave the world better and more beautiful than we found it. I want to be the person who never, ever forgets.

Changes to the blog

Hey everyone, it's been a while and I apologize for that! I've decided to come back to blogging but with a slightly different focus: instead of a run-down of what I'm up to, I'd like to muse on topics I find relevant. Hopefully this will be more interesting to read (and write!). Don't worry, I won't get too serious.

Now would be a lovely time to subscribe, if you are reading this! I know lots of people read via personal blog feeds (I'm partial to Friendfeed.com myself) but if you also want to subscribe to the Blogger site I'll feel slightly less unpopular! :)

A rundown

Oops, haven't written anything for a couple of weeks. Here's a basic list of some stuff I've been up to, in mostly-chronological order courtesy of my too-detailed daily log:

--volunteered at a nursing home and a soup kitchen

--attended two BBQs in one day

--read a college nostalgia book called COMMENCEMENT (recommended esp if you went to Barnard or a Seven Sisters school)

--had about 11 bizarro dreams

--dress rehearsal/tech/opening and first two performances of a show I produced (went so well)

--hosted my dear friend at my apartment for four nights and had a blast

--got my first pedicure of the summer

--was asked by a respected theatre producer to do a freelance event which was fun and paid!

--attended the Barnard reunion: reconnected with great people; drank a few glasses of wine and ran for class president (a five minute commitment that will yield a lifetime of jokes at my expense, I hope); danced the night away on a boat (the Intrepid), yielding some terrible foot blisters which were all worth it to see my friends dance in sailor hats and make up songs about being on a boat; "bridged the sisterhood gap" by speaking candidly with members of the Barnard class of 1955 (a real treat); lounged on the lawn; drank my first-ever bubble tea; had one of the most enlightening discussions about feminism ever discussed while getting trashed at the Heights; and danced like a sweaty maniac on the Columbia Steps (though I didn't jump in the penis fountains like SOME people.....). A wonderful weekend!

--read Sarah Silverman's hilarious memoir THE BEDWETTER (recommended)

--met up with some MJ fans and discussed a charity event we are planning

--had a picnic lunch with one of my favorite ex-co-workers

So all in all, pretty good stuff! Besides the hangovers, nothing to complain about. Everything's coming up Neener!

Hoot! Hoot!

There is a reason I have continued to work on my musical and my play, both in progress for quite a few years. It's not only that I love them -- I think they are really getting good. I'm working on music to the musical right now (just taking a short breather at the moment) and I'm feeling good. It's so much better than it ever was before. I know I always say that, but this time -- woah, it's gonna be good.

And it's 3:28am. I'm officially a night owl. Hoot hoot!

Reflecting on 27

I turned 27 on Sunday and partied it up the previous Saturday night. May is full of friends' birthdays, graduations, my own wedding anniversary and a slew of other memorable dates for me, and during this month I've been reflecting on life. I feel pretty good about things in general. I feel I'm growing, but not growing up (and I hope I never do grow up).

I can't even express how lucky and blessed I feel to have the amazing friends that I do. There is a part of me that will always be that awkward middle-schooler who once called everyone on the 'class list' directory and still couldn't find anyone to go to the movies with so I ended up going with my dad and when we got there two girls who had turned me down were there together. Oy, that one's still upsetting. Deep breath! Having close friends I can share everything with, and being married to one of the them to boot, is a treasure I only dreamed of when I was growing up. As I get older, I want to make sure I take the time to cherish each friend as they deserve.

It dawned on me that this could be a good year because "27" is numerically close to my lucky number 9, with 2 + 7 = 9 and 27 = 9 x 3 (and 3 is even the square root of 9). Things seem to be lining up, with my creativity hitting a new place as I actually have time to do some work.... so maybe good things will happen careerwise this year.

Everything's coming up Neener at 27!

Music as sculpture

Yesterday as I was composing I realized that creating music is not always building something from raw materials, like I always thought, constructing from small pieces a la a building or a tapestry. Sometimes it's like sculpting: listening to everything and cutting away the NOISE to reveal what was there all along. I just have to really LISTEN.

Dusting off my tap shoes

I returned to dance class today after a yearlong absence (oops; I had gotten lazy and distracted by other things). I took a tap class with my favorite teacher after signing up a few days ago on a whim.

Class was tough having been out of it for so long and I thought I didn't do the best job, but at the end a woman recognized me from previous classes and complimented me on my tap sounds, and I felt better! I love the rhythm in my body and I want to make a commitment to go once a week.

And guess what -- the song we did our combination to was... "I Want You Back"! Michael Jackson, my favorite dancer of all time, was clearly saying to me, "I want you to come back to dance, give it another chance!" I can't let him down, so I definitely will be back soon.